What is it with us accepting bullying behaviour and then whining about it to everyone who will listen?
Have I touched a nerve? Good. It's time to get pissed off properly.
So let's talk about it really.
Bullying isn't just what the kids do in the playground and it's not just the belittling by your boss or the threatening behaviour of your ex.
It's any behaviour that results in one person endeavouring to gain influence or control over another.
Creating drama is a form of bullying.
Being moody with someone for whatever reason is a form of bullying.
Any form of manipulative behaviour, like making someone feel bad for not doing things the way you asked them to do it, is bullying behaviour.
Bullies have always been around. They will always be around.
Do you honestly think whining about it or shouting for the government or some other institution to fix it is going to sort it out?
Bullies can only exist because their victims do.
Solution? Stop being the victim.
Easier said than done.
The reality is that we human beings do more of whatever behaviour gives us what we want subconsciously, especially if others make it easy for us to behave that way.
Bullying behaviour and victimhood are two sides of the same coin. One is not possible without the other. The coin is power.
Both parties are completely wrapped up in their own experience of the situation.
Whatever the story as to why a bully is the way he is, ultimately the bully wants to feel powerful, wants to feel in control, wants to feel like they matter. At some level they feel powerless, unworthy, not enough, lacking in some way and so they will fall into whatever pattern of behaviour they have been allowed to follow since they were a child to fill that missing sense within themselves, to make themselves feel better.
Victims can often be bullies too but from the other side of the coin. They may not start out that way but they've allowed the bullies to make them feel powerless and insufficient, so now they also want power - the ability to influence others, they also want to feel they matter and so play the "woe is me" card; manipulation is their pattern of behaviour, conscious or not. It's the one that gets them the sympathy and caring they want, and allows them to influence the listeners' opinion of the bully.
The only way I have every found to stop the game that happens between the victim and the bully is to be powerful within.
External power is just more authoritarian, bullying behaviour.
Internal power influences what you say, how you behave, how you walk, what situations you allow yourself to get into, the expressions on your face, what you are willing to accept and tolerate...
And all of those external manifestations of your powerful sense of self communicate themselves to those bullies looking for the next person willing to be the victim so they can feel better about themselves.
And guess what?
They may test the water with this internally powerful person but will soon walk away, because their need to feel superior cannot be fed by this person.
So how can you become internally powerful?
It all starts with love, loving yourself, recognising you are a child of the Universe, exactly who you need to be to do the work you are here to do, and loving those around you, even those you don't know because you know they have their path too, their work they are here to do.
Love does not mean acceptance and tolerance of anything that is against your values, that might cause harm, physical or otherwise.... but the details of that are for another article.
For now, act with love toward yourself.
Be honest. Be open. Communicate.
Don't avoid the fight because you're fearful.
Don't dramatise situations that really aren't worth your time.
Walk away from or work through any situation that isn't serving your highest good.
Focus on the difference you can make.
Don't give your time or energy to things you cannot control.
JOIN THE CONVERSATION
I love reading your feedback so please do take a moment to share the personal a-ha's this article has raised for you, and what you are going to do differently as a result, in the comments below.
EXPLORE THESE ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Want to know more?
Check-out the video I created over on the Hands-on-Business Facebook page Be Powerful in Your Own Life. I also do a LIVE video every Wednesday at 6.30pm BST where I go into greater detail about different aspects of your life purpose, showing up, your business and what is in your hands and fingerprints.
WORK WITH ME
I'm Helen Elizabeth Evans, a London based life purpose coach and consultant. I work with women in business (and open-minded men!) to powerfully awaken their life purpose work, using a unique combination of scientific hand and fingerprint analysis, deep intuitive skills and practical business acumen running my own businesses for the last 21 years.
I'd love to start a conversation about whether we're a good fit to work together. Simply use this link to arrange an informal chat. There's no hard sell. Just a warm, down-to-earth conversation and a straight forward, honest assessment of whether working with me would be right for you.
I have been running my own businesses from a home office since 1996 and am passionate about business being the vehicle for our freedom. I am also deeply passionate about us each having a purpose on this planet and it's my job to help you find and live yours. I am known as the UK's No.1 Scientific Hand & Fingerprint Analyst as I introduced the system to the UK in 2010. It is the most accurate profiling tool I have encountered. I also have a masters in NLP and have studied astrology and psychology for years - getting your mind to work for you rather than against you!
My clients tell me I am a powerful kick-starter for their purpose, helping them clarify their focus and create an inspired vision aligned with their purpose. They describe me as a highly intuitive, deeply powerful, passionate, authentic and an extremely practical truth teller who makes them laugh, feel safe and free to be their true selves. I help them discover who they really are, find their true purpose, give them a spiritual blueprint for their life expression and help them create a business that is based on their life purpose, so that they can live happy, fulfilled lives without feeling like its all a struggle or just hum drum.
If you want to powerfully kick start your life purpose then book in a call with me. At the very least, you'll leave the call inspired and focused. You can create a life that you love, one that leaves you feeling inspired and delighted every day.