How to Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Dreams
We all have these big dreams about what we want and what we want to do, but honestly how many people really fulfil them?
You know why? Resistance.
Think WWII and what the French Resistance did fighting the German invasion. Yes, you have your own internal resistance fighting every effort you make to take in new territory. Your resistance self-sabotages, blows up, fights against anything you want to change. The bigger, the bolder, the more bodacious the goal the bigger and sneakier the resistance gets.
Here's a familiar example of how things don't go according to plan...
You want to drop a few kilograms. You decide you're going to do it. You're psyched up. Two days go really well... and then the little thoughts creep in "I'm doing so well. It'll be okay if I have a hot chocolate as little treat. It's not like I'm having a piece of cake or anything..."
A minor, quick little argument goes on in your head and usually you have the hot chocolate, assuring yourself it's a one off. If you don't have the hot chocolate, the temptation thoughts get bigger and bolder until you finally give in, subsequently berating yourself over and over again until you are sure you are a hopeless human.
You think that's you, don't you? You're sure you need to fix your lack of will power, or some other aspect of yourself, so that you're successful next time? Ha! No. No. No. That's just what your internal resistance army wants you to think... that it's all your fault. Makes you give up more easily...
Part of your brain is designed purely to keep you alive - those survival instincts will supersede any other action you might want to take. Everything you've done to date has kept you nice and safe, breathing, alive. Doing something different might put you in harms way. Think of your resistance as your not-very-clever brute of a bodyguard putting up a fight to keep you safe.
Okay, so you want to make these big dreams of yours a reality, but your pattern is to self-sabotage your efforts. I'm sure you always have really great reasons why you couldn't follow through... your mother needed you (no one else would do), you had an awful slump in your energy (yes, I use that one too!!), you got so far and then things started to go wrong and it was clear the Universe didn't want you to do it (ever occur to you, perhaps the Universe might like you to prove how committed you are, how much you really want what you're going for, before it sends you all the real goodies?)... Yeah... I know. Been there. Do that regularly.
I wake up a bit faster these days though. I realise pretty quick my bodyguard is weighing in there with his size 11s, and it's all BS to just stop me making progress (succeeding might actually be uncomfortable with lots of new demands I'm not sure I can handle), to stop me potentially failing (ooo, what if they hate me? - that is not an invitation to be mean in the comments below please!! :) ).
Best technique ever is to have a chat with your bodyguard and say "So what", "So what if they hate me? Is it realistically a life or death issue?" "So what if I succeed and have lots of new demands I can't handle. I've dealt with new stuff before and I survived, didn't I?" "So what if I fail and I have to go get a paying job. I give myself permission to do so, while I try again."
After the so what conversation, you need to then reassure him (mine is the opposite sex). Remember he's not too clever... "I know if I keep on eating healthier I'll feel more energetic, look better and I won't have the excuse not to get in front of a video camera and share my stuff. But you know what? Even if I get healthier and look better I'm still not going to do the videos, so chill... anyway, it's not going to be a big change, you a couple of kilos then lets see what happens. I might stop. If its safe I'll go on."
Then honour your commitment to your bodyguard so he learns to trust you. Yep, when you've lost a couple of kilos, say "See? Still fine. Still well. Let's try a couple more and see how we go. I'll stop as soon as it's not safe any more." Keep honouring that commitment.
Work with your bodyguard, make sure you consider his need to keep you safe, along with your desire for expansion and growth. The combo will be a winning way forward.
Go on try it and let me know how you get on.
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I love reading your feedback so please do take a moment to share the personal a-ha's this article has raised for you, and what you are going to do differently as a result, in the comments below.
EXPLORE THESE ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Want to know more?
Check-out the articles about Life Purpose, starting with this one: What is Life Purpose?
Articles covering What I Learned About How To Get Unstuck are
Lesson 4&5 Lesson 6
Also, there are a number of live video recordings on the Hands-on-Business Facebook page where I go into greater detail about different aspects of your life purpose, showing up, your business and what is in your hands and fingerprints.
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I'm Helen Elizabeth Evans, a London based life purpose coach and consultant. I work with women in business (and open-minded men!) to powerfully awaken their life purpose work, using a unique combination of scientific hand and fingerprint analysis, deep intuitive skills and practical business acumen running my own businesses for the last 21 years.
I'd love to start a conversation about whether we're a good fit to work together. Simply use this link to arrange an informal chat. There's no hard sell. Just a warm, down-to-earth conversation and a straight forward, honest assessment of whether working with me would be right for you.
I have been running my own businesses from a home office since 1996 and am passionate about business being the vehicle for our freedom. I am also deeply passionate about us each having a purpose on this planet and it's my job to help you find and live yours. I am known as the UK's No.1 Scientific Hand & Fingerprint Analyst as I introduced the system to the UK in 2010. It is the most accurate profiling tool I have encountered. I also have a masters in NLP and have studied astrology and psychology for years - getting your mind to work for you rather than against you!
My clients tell me I am a powerful kick-starter for their purpose, helping them clarify their focus and create an inspired vision aligned with their purpose. They describe me as a highly intuitive, deeply powerful, passionate, authentic and an extremely practical truth teller who makes them laugh, feel safe and free to be their true selves. I help them discover who they really are, find their true purpose, give them a spiritual blueprint for their life expression and help them create a business that is based on their life purpose, so that they can live happy, fulfilled lives without feeling like its all a struggle or just hum drum.